i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
