Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
