Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
