So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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