Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
