I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it because I queefed?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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