i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
