arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
