how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
