well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
