I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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