have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
