I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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