i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
