I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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