apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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