Best friends brother. Beat that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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