i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize