Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
