My liver just broke up with me...
Jerry, you need to find god
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
