my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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