im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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