I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
