i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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