I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
