Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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