Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
