i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I still have a little drunk in my system
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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