Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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