I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
