drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
