so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
