it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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