I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
