My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's always time for handjobs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
