The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
