I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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