I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
