Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Less talking, more tequila
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
