Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
