The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
