Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
