Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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