Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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