You made me cry and you don't even care
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
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Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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