dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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