He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
