i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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