he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
