i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You smell like stripper and shame
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
