She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
