They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
