Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
