you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
