How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
