You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
