I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
