Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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