I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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