drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
