Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
