My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
