I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
