Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
