Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
