Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
