When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Text me some of your sweat
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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