hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
