the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
