I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
