if only i could text you this smell
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
