you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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