i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
