He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
